Infinity
by xxWillsxx
Summary: "The girl was probably the strangest I have ever met, and I am questioning whether this was a dream. She is also the only girl who has made my pulse quicken and my head spin. If only I knew her name." Written after Finnick's games in his perspective.
1. Chapter 1

The soft, rhythmic lapping of waves helps sort my thoughts as I walk along the surf. The sea spray speckles my face and sand spills between my toes. No shoes of course: who wears shoes on a beach? I'm not really sure as to why I am here, but I suppose it is because I cannot sleep, and this is one of the few places I can get my head straight. But then again, I'm probably not the only one. Tomorrow is the Reaping. Tomorrow twenty three children will be sent to their imminent deaths, to be broadcast on National television. I can feel the bile rising in my throat as I think what a twisted idea it is.

Shaking my head I turn to look out towards the horizon. If I stare for long enough, I can make out the small smudge of baby blue sky that is sunrise across the deep night. I am suddenly overwhelmed by an urge to swim out towards that light, just to escape. I could swim until my lungs burst and my muscles screamed but I wouldn't stop. Anything to escape. I think I almost am about to when a flash of movement in my peripheral vision causes my head to whip around.

I can make out a rickety pier made of wooden planks, going out across the water. I walk quickly over to it and stand at the end. The early morning light reveals the faint outline of a girl sitting at the end. I walk along the planks, quietly, until a load creaking noise gives me away. Her head whips around and she looks at me with her mouth slightly open and startled eyes. I see she is holding a cigarette in one hand, its embers crumbling into the sea. Her legs are draped over the edge of the final plank, her toes just dipping into the water. I suppose now would be a good time to say she is beautiful. She has the tanned skin of someone who spends hours working in the sun, the thick hair of someone who spends a lot of time in salt water and the sea green eyes of our district.

I suddenly feel like an idiot standing there and I stutter, "S-sorry…I just wanted to see who you were..." feeling even more stupid I shift my weight from side to side.

Her head cocks to one side slightly as she studies my face and the ghost of a smile graces her features. "That's alright. I couldn't sleep either." She slowly takes a drag from her cigarette and blows the smoke upwards. I take that as an invitation and sit beside her, my ankles becoming submerged by the sea.

"By the way I'm Finnick Odair." I say, giving her my trademark lopsided smile, the one that makes all the girls drool. It is something I take pride in, and it can be useful in situations like these. However the girl does not even give me a sideways glance but smiles slightly.

"I know who you are." She drags again and carries on staring out at the horizon. I sigh inwardly. Of course she knows who I am. There is not a person in this district who doesn't know who I am. I wonder what terms she associates with me when she hears my name. Victor. Celebrity. Slut. Killer. All of these things are true, but they are not who I am. And all I want is that for once, someone, anyone, would see past all of that…and just see me.

A few moments of silence pass between us. It isn't awkward, just peaceful. I'm desperate to know the girl's name, but I don't want to be the one to break the silence. The small streak of light blue sky has stretched further towards us, reaching out to us almost as if…

"It makes you feel so small."

The girl's voice almost makes me jump, it so suddenly interrupting my thoughts. "Sorry?"

"The ocean. The sky. They make you feel so insignificant. How will any of us ever be remembered if that is how small we are? Everyone wants to leave a mark and be remembered, but how can we do that if we have such a fragile, fleeting existence?" She turns now to make eye contact with me, her eyes full of curiosity and sadness.

Her statement takes me by surprise I take a minute to process it. Besides I am too busy getting lost in her eyes to form an acceptably intelligent answer. "Not all of us want to be remembered," I say quietly a while later, thinking what people will think when they remember Finnick Odair. I push that thought away and stare at the water. I can feel the girl's eyes on me but I don't look up.

"You are nothing like people say you are, Finnick Odair." I look up to meet her eyes now, and they are slightly crinkled at the side from her smile. It isn't a polite smile or a try-hard smile, but it is genuine, the type that makes your brain slow down and your heart rate speed up.

Then, without a word, she stands up and starts walking back down the pier. I want to follow her, but I stay sitting. I carry on watching the girl and she treads through the sand until she disappears over a sand dune. I lie on my back so all I can see is the night sky. She was right; it does make you feel so small.

I start walking back to my house in the Victors village. The girl was probably the strangest I have ever met, and I am also questioning whether this was a dream. She is also the only girl who has made my pulse quicken and my head spin. If only I knew her name.


	2. Chapter 2

"Finn?...Finn?" I don't answer because I'm too busy thinking about that girl.

"Finnick!"

"What?" I snap as I turn around to face my sister. She looks hurt that I've yelled at her and I immediately feel guilty. I go to sit beside her on the sofa of our living room. The French doors are wide open and the heat of the midday sun is making me irritable. "I'm sorry Lyra. It's just… this time of year is always difficult for me."

She nods knowingly and leans in to give me a hug. I realise this is probably more for her benefit than mine. At thirteen years old, her name won't be in the bowl that many times, but it still terrifies her. "It's ok, you won't get picked."

"How do you know?" Her noses and eyes are slightly red and I can tell she's been crying.

"You just won't." I give her the biggest smile I can. "Besides, I think the world can only handle one Odair a a time, or else it will just be blown into a full frenzy."

She starts laughing and I know I've said the right thing. "You are so big headed." She says giving me a shove. I laugh at that and shove her right back. It's just us living in this house, my father lives back in our old fishing village. He says it's because he wants to continue with his trade, but I know that it's really because he is ashamed f me. Of what I have become. He barely can look me in the eye now. My mother died when giving birth to Lyra. She never says so, but I think she feels like it's her fault. Our father certainly believes that. That's why she lives with me and not him. But now I am off to the Capitol, she has to stay with him. I look at her and smile. People say we look similar but her eyes are more blue than mine, and her hair is darker. She notices staring and sticks her tongue out at me and we both laugh. Although we have been through so much, we are still just brother and sister.

The square is milling with people. I can see it all from the platform infront of the Justice Building. Of course I was called to mentor again, they just can't seem to get enough of me. It's like an obsession the Capitol have with me, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. The other mentor, Talia, sits beside me. She is nice, and has two young children. I like her, but she isn't Mags. Mags is the person who guided me through everything, if not for her, I'd probably be dead. I have so much respect for her, but she is also like my mother figure. She can't be here because she's very old and frail. I wish she was here, she makes everything easier.

I see Lyra in the crowd, and she gives me the smallest of smiles. I smile to reassure her but my eyes start scanning over the rest of the crowd, and I realise that I'm looking for the girl on the beach. My vision is blocked when our escort, Mirima, struts onto the platform, wearing a skin tight body suit in an alarming shade of pink.

She starts by welcoming everyone and reading the same story she does every year. To stop myself from snapping at how repulsive it all is, I focus my attention on her face. It has so much surgery, her skins looks like rubber and is pulled tight over her features. She looks like a lizard. The worst part is, Mirima has never made her attraction to me a secret. She repels me, but I must play along.

"Now for the good bit!" Mirima's voice shocks me back to reality. "District Four's female tribute is..."

_Please don't be Lyra. Anyone but Lyra..._

"Annie Cresta! Where are you honey?"

I find Lyra in the crowd again. She doesn't smile, but just nods at me. I nod back, knowing she's safe for another year. I then look for movement in the crowd, as the tribute makes her way up to stage. The funny thing is, the square is quiet. usually there are screams of despair or shouts of how unjust it is. But no one makes any noise. _Poor girl. No one cares. I suppose that's better in some ways, it's less painful._

__The girl is coming up to the stage now. I cannot see her face because it is covered by a sheet of hair. As she passes me on the stage her eyes flicker on me for a second. Then the penny drops. She was the girl from the beach.

My mouth drops open as she passes me and I can feel my heart sink to my stomach.

"Ladies and gentlemen, your female tribute...Annie Cresta!" Mirima shrieks.

The crowd is quiet and the girl stands there. She isn't crying, or being hysterical. She holds her head high and the wind whips her hair around her face. Annie. Her name is Annie.


	3. Chapter 3

**hey guys, thanks for reading my story. so basically i know everyone says this and its super annoying but could you pleeease review because i really need advice and stuff on my writing and i want to know what you guys think to make it better. thanks, sorry to nag. oh and to the person asking about my old story...yeah i think i deleted it or something :/ i don't know, sorry if you liked it. anyway, here's the next chapter :) **

Lights flash in front of me, and microphones are shoved right under my nose. Cameramen jostle to get my best angle. It's the time of year when they all have an excuse to interview me, and everyone wants a piece of Finnick Odair. I manage to pull away, saying something about talking to Talia. I go through the side entrance to the Justice Building, and walk along the corridors until a familiar voice calls out my name.

I turn, and try to hide my shock at what Mirima looks like up close. Her face contorts into what I presume to be a smile, but it looks more like a grimace. "Finnick!" She drawls, "It's been too long, honey."

"Not that long if I remember correctly." I mutter.

She gives a high pitched giggle, "Yes, I remember that night, after the masquerade ball. You were a very naughty boy, Finn!"

I grunt in return, unsuccessfully trying to erase that memory from my mind. "Look, I have to go find my tributes, if you'll excuse me." I turn to walk away, but not before she can give me a big, wet kiss on my cheek.

"I'll see you on the train, honey." She turns and walks away, her heels clacking against the marble floor. I wipe the smudge of lipstick from my face and turn around, shuddering.

I reach the room that Lyra always waits for me in. She sees me at the door and runs over to hug me. "It's ok. It's ok. You're safe for another year." I say. I can feel her nodding. "You just be good for dad ok? Don't listen to any of his bull. I'll be back before you know it."

She wipes away her tears and says, "Just be careful, Finn. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you."

"I know. Me too"

The first meal on the train is…awkward… to say the least. Mirima babbles on about how exciting a new group of tributes is, and how dull the Capitol has been since last year. Talia never speaks much, only to offer advice to tributes. But we mutually decided the first day is enough for a tribute to process, without having instructions thrown at you too. Our male tribute, Dmitri, only communicates in shrugs and grunts. He has the broad shoulders and hard hands of a fisherman-his strength will help him in the arena. However he has no distinguishable personality, so that will be trouble regarding sponsors.

Then there's Annie. She constantly catches me staring at her, but looks away immediately. She hasn't spoken a word to anyone. I just want to talk to her. I'm not sure what about, but I just want to.

My chance comes later that night. As usual, I am awoken by screams of murdered children, the ghostly face of my mother's corpse and the emotionless eyes of Snow. I wander through the carriages, in only my pyjamas. Occasionally I am stopped by concerned attendants but I just brush them off. I go to where I always go when I'm on this train. In the last carriage, the ceiling is entirely made of glass, and you can see right into the sky. No one ever goes there because there are no chairs or tables, but I don't mind sitting on the floor. It's perfect.

I open the door, only to be shocked by who I find sitting there. Annie has her legs crossed and her back against the wall and is staring up through the ceiling. She sees me and smiles. Just like before, she has a cigarette in one hand.

I sit down beside her. "You know, I hear those things can give you cancer." I say concerned. She looks at me weirdly and says, "Like I'll live long enough to get cancer." She doesn't even speak with remorse, only as if it is a fact. It hits me like a punch in the stomach. All the same, she stubs out the end and flicks it away.

Sighing, she places her head back against the wall. She looks just as beautiful as last night. I can see in the dim light of the carriage how her nose slightly turns up at the end and her eyes are such a vibrant shade of green. Her features are not conventionally pretty, like what is desirable in the Capitol. That idea, of perfection, in the Capitol, just makes them all look the same, like perfect, plastic dolls. Annie's features are not perfect, but they fit together to make something better. Her face is more natural and warm to what I am used to. Maybe that's why I am so attracted to her.

I realise I should probably say something. "You're right. I does make you feel small." I follow her gaze up to the ceiling. Against the dark night sky, an infinite number of stars are cradled by darkness. We sit there, marvelling at it, until Annie says quietly, "Do you believe in it? Fate I mean. How the stars control our destiny?"

Again, it's a strange statement, but I can't help but wonder. Sure, I've grown up hearing stories of how men have no control over their lives, and some predestined course leads them. But having gone through everything I've been through, I find it hard to believe there is some bigger plan for us all, because even destiny cannot cause an individual so much pain.

But I say none of this to Annie. Instead I ask, "Do you?"

"No." She says, surprising me. She stretches out her legs and then pulls them up to her chest. "I believe in myself. I chose my path. Just me."

I nod. Then another thought passes me. "Annie…did anyone come to say good bye to you?" I remember how silent the crowd was when she was chosen. Her face is turned away from me and I'm scared I've taken a step too far. I open my mouth to apologise but she interrupts me.

"No. No one came." There are a few moments pause before she continues. "I never met my father. I have no brothers or sisters. My mother…" She trails off, but starts up again, "My mother has manic depression. She's fine and then she has one of her episodes…I'm the only one who can bring her back. She's sedated most of the time. I don't have friends because all of my time revolves around my mother. She didn't come today because Reapings always set her off. I never even got to say goodbye."

She turns to face me, her eyes full of sadness. I realise my face is frozen, and I manage to stutter, "I-I'm so sorry." I feel like an idiot even as I say it.

She shrugs and then says, "Well, I guess it's easier because there is almost no one who will miss me." I think she meant it as a joke but her voice cracks at the end.

I know I should say it. It's hanging in the air and I'm just sitting there like a moron as she stares at me. I think she expects me to say it too as she stares at me. But I'm a coward. I'm too scared to admit what I'm thinking because saying it out loud would make it real and if it is real it will just complicate everything and cause so much pain. So I say nothing.

After what seems like forever, she looks away and stands up. Slowly she walks to the door and without turning to look at me, she says softly, "Goodnight Finnick."

She walks out before I can answer and the door swings shut. I carry on staring at the spot she was just standing and I say it. "I'll miss you."

_Nice one, Finnick. You idiot._


	4. Chapter 4

The train pulls into the Capitol the next morning. Annie and Dmitri are whisked away to the prepping stations and I'm whisked the opposite direction and thrust at more cameras and microphones. I manage to get away and I dash into the residential block for tributes and mentors.

I've just pressed the button on the lift when a voice shouts, "Hold it!"

I block the door from closing and, of all people, Johanna Mason dashes in. She doesn't recognise me at first but when she does she yells, "Needle-cock!" She then proceeds to engulf me in a bear hug that nearly cracks my back.

"Hey," I say, laughing at her cruel but oddly affectionate (oh and, by the way, not true!) nickname for me. It's been a year and I've really missed her. Something about her cruel and sarcastic humour is one of the things that keeps me sane in this crazy place. She goes on to rant about whatever her latest two tributes are like. It still amazes me the noise that can come out of someone so small.

We spend the afternoon catching up and trying to put off the fact of what the next few weeks have in store. But all too soon we get the call to go to the basement for the Tributes Parade. As we're going down in the lift I feel a too familiar sense of dread.

I suddenly remember that Annie will be down there. My stomach starts doing tumbles as I remember last night. I try to visualise her face, how her eyes glittered when she spoke to me, how her mouth curled into that almost-there-but-not-quite smile…

_For God's sake Finnick, stop acting like a bloody schoolgirl._

I snap back to reality and realise Johanna's yelling at me. "Have you been listening to a word I have been saying?!"

Before I have a chance to answer the lift doors slide open into the brightly lit room full of carriages, horses and waiting tributes. I walk over to Talia and ask, "So where are they?" She points and my heart stopped.

Annie is petting the horse, and I see only her side profile. But she is still breath taking. Her hair is down, tumbling like waves to mid back, and she's wearing a dress the exact shade of her eyes. Whenever she moves, the material flutters and it's like ripples on water.

Dmitri stands behind her, his bulky frame making her seem more delicate than ever. He says something and she gives him that smile that's been driving me crazy. Suddenly I have a horrible feeling, one I've never experienced before. I almost laugh out loud when I realise what it is.

Envy! Of all people, Finnick Odair wanting the girl he can't have, who would've thought.

Talia calls them over and gives them last minute advice on how to act. "…and please try to smile dear, it makes so much easier for sponsors." She says, looking particularly at Annie. They nod and mount the carriage.

"And try not to fall off." I finish, grinning. Annie gives a quiet giggle but behind her Dmitri is glaring at me. I just wink at him to make him madder as they get pulled out.

As I walk to the viewing booth, I realise what a knob I'm being. I'm desperately seeking the affections of one of my tributes who I'm completely infatuated with, and the other I'm deliberately messing with because I see him as competition. My position requires a great deal of responsibility and it's been a total cock up from the start. By the time I reach my seat I've resolved to go back to being professional.

The mentors viewing booth is a large luxurious room, with comfy chairs and plenty of refreshments. One wall is entirely made of glass, with a perfect view of the parade. I sit next to Talia and Johanna and we watch it in silence.

Everything goes smoothly and the crowd is wild, as usual. We go back to the apartment after and both of them are stunned by it. To be honest, so am I. they change the apartment every year. This year it's very sleek, all glass and polished metal. We toast at dinner to their popularity and the conversation is easy and light hearted. Even Mirima's inappropriate contributions to the conversation doesn't dampen their spirits.

Halfway through dinner, I get a call from one of my "helpers." Pimp is probably a more accurate term. I'm informed of a party, honouring my return, held by one my most enthusiastic customers. Because I am the guest of honour, my presence is mandatory. My heart sinks to my feet and I go make my excuses at dinner, and go to the party.

I only return much later, after everyone is asleep. I want nothing more than to go upstairs and wash the stench of the night off me, but instead I hear a rustle in the kitchen. I flick the light on, and sure enough, there's Annie.

In her pyjamas, she's holding a glass of water and looking shaken by my sudden appearance.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," I mutter, wanting nothing more to get away from her. My hair is tousled, my clothes are crumpled and I stink of alcohol and sex. I can't bear for her to see me like this. But her eyes are not judging, only concerned.

After a few quiet moments, she says, "I suppose these midnight meetings are becoming a bit of a regular occurrence now, aren't they?"

"I guess so," I reply laughing. She smiles a bit, and then starts towards the stairs.

_Say it now, Finnick. You won't have another chance. _

Before I have a chance to think, I blurt out, "I'll miss you."

_Smooth, Captain Moron._

She looks back at me, her expression clouded. "Sorry?"

"W-what you said on the train last night. That no one will miss you? Well, urm… I will." I said it in the most inarticulate and unromantic way possible, but I had said it. And there was no taking it back nw.

I hold my breath as she studies my face and after what seems like a millennium, she just says. "Oh," and then walks away.

I stay completely still until I can't hear her footsteps anymore, and that's when I crumple to the floor. Groaning, I knock my head against the wall. I have just broken the most absolute rule of mentoring, and it's going to put both of us in deep shit. Never, get emotionally attached to your tributes. Because you don't know if they'll be coming back.


End file.
